Faith, and Karma, Restored.

 We have had a crappy week. Sunday, while cleaning and working on my 40 DOHI, I broke my toe on the Millennium Falcon in Jay's room. The Dark Side really had it out for me. Sunday night, I washed our new sheets and blankets. Isn't climbing into new, clean sheets the BEST feeling?? Now, imagine that feeling getting thrown out the window because at 2am your two year old climbs into bed with you and throws up all over. Awesome.
Then Mike went to the ATM before work to withdraw money and the little slot opened up, closed, and shot out a receipt w/ our new deducted balance. Yeah...no money came out.

Are you keeping up w/ my whole lousy week scenario? Truly. Crappy.

So on Tuesday, I decided THAT'S. IT. I'm realigning the moons or stars, or fixing whatever wrongs I've committed because I can't take anymore. For those of you that know us, we believe that birthdays are for giving back and our kids ask their friends to bring donations to their birthday parties instead of gifts. It's a simple, easy way for us to teach our kids the importance of giving. For Jay's birthday, he chose Galisano Children's Hospital as his charity. So on Tuesday, I decided that after I picked up Jay from school, we were going to the hospital to drop off the money. Better Karma here we come!

I prepped Jay on the way that Strong is a really big place and that we might not be able to meet anyone and might just drop off the money and go. He was fine with that and confided in me on the walk in that he was "pretty nervous" to be going to the hospital. I realized he had never been to a hospital before (or at least remembered being in one)! So we sat and talked for a while about hospitals and how the job of everyone there is to help the patients feel better. We made our way to the information desk in the lobby and let them know that we wanted to drop off a donation for Children's. We filled out the tax form and were getting ready to go when the man working at the desk asked how much we were donating. We were so proud to tell him that we had $190 from a bunch of six year olds!

We were asked to wait and then he informed us that the two women in charge of giving to Children's Hospital, Heather and Wendy, were upstairs if we wanted to meet them. What a treat!

Seeing Children's Hospital was such an amazing experience for Jay, and for me. Jay was so enthralled with the artwork on the walls, ceilings and floors, and how bright and fun it was there. I was overcome with the return of all of the raw emotions that I went through six years ago. Seeing the babies that looked just like my little man took me back to the club that I HATED having a membership to. Old habits easily returned; you remember to make eye contact with family members up and down the hall, where everyone says telepathically to each other, "I know." You remember to try to block out the babies' cries that you hear in the rooms. You remember, you remember, you remember.

Heather told J that Pat McGonigle from NBC was there filming a segment for the upcoming telethon and that we could meet him. J walked confidently into the play room and had no problem starting conversations ("Hey, is that a boom mike?"). Pat was SO wonderful to us, he sat right down and did an impromptu interview for the telethon w/ Jay about why he was there and how he collected his donations. I was so excited for J to be surrounded by all of the magic of tv that I forgot to take pictures! Luckily, the telethon to raise money for the hospital will be on in early June; look for my sweet boy when you are calling in w/ your own donation!

As we were leaving, Heather took J down to the PICU and explained to him that the entire PICU wing was built with donations and that is where his money will go. As I stood there crying I was SO grateful that J was able to have such a memorable experience. They gave J a stuffed dragon that he named Magic and we were on our way.

It's amazing when we sit back and think about what happened. All we are trying to do is teach our kids to give to those in need and leave this world a bit better than when we arrived. Galisano Children's Hospital went out of their way to make a lifelong memory for our family. We wanted to give to them and instead, they gave so much to us.

Tuesday night, I sat in awe watching my sweet boy play with "Magic" and telling his sister all about our adventure. I reminisced about the scared, young family we used to be with a 5 pound premie that couldn't breathe or eat on his own. I'm so amazed that our life has come full circle and we are now on the giving end and not the receiving. But after visiting the hospital, I realized that we will never stop receiving. Their dedication and selfless acts of kindness make sure of that.

40 Days of Home Improvement

Just offering a little bit of proof that I am actually continuing with the 40 DOHI...they just aren't exactly 40 consecutive days! My lenten season should end around Columbus Day...

See that freezer? Yeah, I cleaned it.

See the floor of the pantry? Me too! I haven't seen that in YEARS!

See the organized tupperware? Meh...not gonna lie, the nanny did it. I think she was concerned about the 40 non-consecutive days and tried to help the team out... take it where you can get it people, take it where you can get it...

Empire State of Mind

WHAT. A. WEEKEND.

Really, what a gestational period. Confused? Let me explain...

In August 2010, my running partner Christine told me she was pregnant. I took the news REALLY hard; we had both sets of our kids together and in the end, I decided I was done and she wanted one more. I knew Mike and I were finished having kids but I struggled with the reality that my birthing years were OH. VER. Over=old, right?

So, I did what any logical, clear-thinking, non-old person would do; I put my name in the lottery for the New York City Half Marathon. WHAT WAS I THINKING?? Well, it was August, I wasn't working, and I ran daily. I was thinking that life was pretty good. It was a typical first trimester. I was thin, and only remembered there was something big coming at the end of all of this when I wanted to. Pure bliss.

Flash forward to December 2010. I wasn't running at all, I was taking two courses in the Administration program, I was working full time and planning a trip to Japan. And I found out my name got pulled in the lottery. HOLY. CRAP. Pretty much sums up the second trimester; I was overwhelmed, uncomfortable, and would love to go back in time and rethink this decision. My good friend, The Banter, was kind enough to put together my training program, or more appropriately, my birthing plan. I knew what I had to do in order to have success in the end. I could do it...right?

Now we come to the final trimester, March 2011. Christine had her baby; a beautiful, bouncing baby boy that absolutely completes her family. I have missed having her by my side on our long runs, but I'm so happy for her and the path of motherhood she is traveling down.

It was time for my 9 month journey to come to an end as well; my sister and I flew to NYC on Friday. We walked all over Friday night and wandered around Times Square and Rockafeller Center.

Saturday morning I woke up and realized two things; 1.) holy crap my legs were sore from walking, and 2.) AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

That pretty much summed up my anxiety.

We went to the race expo to get my bib number and race packet. Kudos to New York Road Runners; they are an organized, inviting, hospitable group. We kept our walking short to save my legs; we even took a taxi to Yankee Stadium (Cab Driver: You know we are in Manhattan and you want to go to the Bronx, right?)

After a fun afternoon at Yankee Stadium and an even more hysterical experience figuring out taxis in the Bronx are NOT yellow...we headed back to Times Square to get tickets for a Broadway show. (Anyone else picking up on my tendency to keep myself busy instead of focus on the large pink elephant in the middle of Times Square? Awesome.)

We went and saw Million Dollar Quartet; great show. I got to bed at 11pm and by 4am I was WIDE. AWAKE. It is true that no one sleeps the night before a race. So I got up and forced down a banana, some bread, and some water. LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!

I left for Central Park at 6am and was more nervous than I have ever been in my entire life. Might be a hyperbole, but that morning I was a deer in headlights.

I was trying to get to 102nd street but the taxi could only get me to 91st street because of the 15,000 other people trying to get up 5th Ave. Nothing like an eleven block warm-up, right? I made it to baggage drop off as they were closing up at 6:45am and after a quick trip to the restroom, I got to my corral by the 7:10am cut off. Things were looking up.

Other than my fear and frozen body, I was excited. I made small talk w/ those around me and then I stopped. I looked around. I noticed the helicopter circling for the live broadcast. I looked at the faces of other runners realizing their dreams after months of planning. I looked at people's jerseys and the homemade stickers listing in who's memory they were running. I looked at the crowds that were so happy and smiling even though it was below freezing and dark out. I said a quick prayer of thanks for physically and culturally allowing me to do this and then I started to cry. Not gonna lie. I was so emotional.

After the National Anthem, I suppose the race started. I have no idea because it took 12 minutes for the pack I was in to get to the starting line. The first eight miles, I was alone with my iPod on the hills of Central Park. I was aware of the masses around me but if I was going to get through this I had to center...and stop crying. Interesting point: my iPod controls froze. I tried to get back to the menu to get to my running mix that I had worked on for months, but it wouldn't budge. Somehow my iPod wanted to shuffle out its own mix and it was great. Songs and artists I would have never put on my running playlist--Sugarland, John Denver...it was perfect and needed.

The crowd was sporatic but present in the park, and holding up emotional handmade signs (didn't help with the crying). When I hit the 10k mark, I knew I was going to be alright and I was half way through. I stopped fearing the mythical wall I was bound to hit when I just couldn't run anymore. I started to speed up and get into my regular groove. A buzz started around me with people commenting that we were almost "out" and to "get ready." I didn't know what was happening until I came out of the mouth of Central Park and into a screaming mass of spectators. I was staring straight into the heart of New York City. I was all done crying. I WAS SO PUMPED. 7th Avenue was completely blocked off and the hoards of people lining the streets were screaming encouragements to every runner. It startled me the first time I heard, "GO LKR! YOU CAN DO IT!!" and then I realized my name was on my shirt! Thank goodness, I'm wearing that from now on--what an inspiration! Being surrounded by people helps you pick up the pace; it's like treadmill racing the guy next to you just to make yourself feel better.

I knew my sister was at 47th Street and she was surprisingly easy to find. I was so excited to see her but I also wanted to keep running; I realized I was on my way to a PR.

After sharing a moment with my sister, I was SO HAPPY. I was smiling and waving and even sang along with the cast of Mamma Mia that was performing for us. After the turn onto 42nd Street I realized I only had 3 miles to go. THIS WAS EASY! I met a new friend, and we ran the whole rest of the way together. We turned down 12th Street and ran in the sun; it was beautiful. The signs people were holding up were no longer emotional but hysterical: "I'm impressed w/ your stamina. Call me (with her phone number)" and "Chafe now, celebrate later! Here's some vaseline on us!" (and they literally were holding out jars of the stuff!) and "5,084 feet to brunch, we are waiting for you!"

At my last water station, I realized why I loved this race so much. Everyone in New York City was selflessly doing whatever they could for us. As I was pausing for a drink and looking ahead at the finish line that seemed so far ahead, a man said to me, "LKR, look at me. I know you want to walk, but throw that cup and get back out there. You can do it!" I didn't even know the man but he was exactly what I needed.

I crossed the finish line happy with my new PR, yet a bit bummed that I was 15 seconds off of my goal time. I learned my lesson to stop being afraid and trust in my training. Next time I will find my regular race pace in the beginning and not worry about the "what ifs" that plague the best of us.

When I finished the Half Marathon in Rochester last year, I swore I would never run another one and went home to bed for the rest of the day. After this race, I felt great, was similing, and when people asked me if I would do it again, I answered, "TOTALLY!"

I am excited to figure out what my next goals are; days after the race I felt a bit sore but overall great. Makes me think there is more in store for me yet. So, as I cradle my bundle of joy finishing medal, I realize that this journey was one of the most inspiring of my life and something I will look back on when I really AM old and say, "Look what that young kid did! Bet she has a story to tell..."

It's a Deuce, Baby!

So apropos to use a Dick Vitale quote w/ March Madness beginning... Tonight at dinner, all four of us filled out our basketball brackets...I love my children, but I'm going to be PISSED if one of them wins w/out knowing diddley about stats, past game performances, and injuries. Kay actually picked some of the teams because they were fun to say...Ok, I admit it, that's the reason why I picked Gonzaga too...GON-ZAGAAAA!

Anywho, my aforementioned "deuce" is in reference to my "FORTY DAYS OF HOME IMPROVEMENT." We are on day three. And I felt the need to go strong. So I picked two areas to improve. This may be how burn out starts. But, regardless, drumroll please...

Improvement #1:

I hate coffee. HATE. IT. That said, the hubby loves it. And insists on drinking it daily. And insists on keeping a coffee maker on my countertop just eating up space that I could use for other things. My take on the situation has been to ignore it. "You left coffee in the pot? Enjoy cleaning it." "Huh, gross ground-filled filter? Have fun w/ that one, buddy." But now that we are into the "FORTY DAYS OF HOME IMPROVEMENT," it has become an eye sore. So I cleaned the sucker. The whole thing. Top to bottom. Nooks and crannies.

Improvement #2:

We, at the Ponderings household, struggle in the areas of storage and organization. SOMEONE needs to help me find a better place to put shoes and coats when you walk in the side door. Our habit has been to take our shoes and coats off and dump them in the breeze-way. We accumulated literally over 30 pairs of shoes and boots and ridiculous amounts of hats, gloves, snowsuits, and coats. So the kids and I took all of our 'non-essential' shoes and clothing and put them away in closets and cleaned. Take a look...

Now, three days in, here are some things that I have realized:

-'Before photos' would be MUCH more interesting in the comparison and appreciation of my work. They are just too embarrassing. Not gonna happen.

-I seriously may burn out at this pace, it's 8:30pm and I am just sitting down to relax for the first time all day.

-I need to figure out my multi-tasking...currently I am cleaning areas that are in the kitchen because I accomplish these tasks while making dinner. Once the kitchen is done, I'm kinda screwed. Need to figure out a plan.

But until then... "It's looking AWESOME, baby!!" Ahhh, Dick...

Day Two of 40 Days of Home Improvement

Ok, my fridge? Yeah, can't see it. Love my kids but my refrigerator is a projectile spewing of magnets, art work, school work, and activity schedules. I BOUGHT A STAINLESS STEEL FRIDGE ON PURPOSE DAMN IT AND I WILL SHOW IT OFF!

So, I cleaned it (even the gross top) and organized and moved all of the beautiful displays of my children's ability to the side where they are less noticeable.

Proof:

Day One of 40 Days of Home Improvement

Day One: Cleaned the shelves above the sink (they were DIR. TAY.)

Moved pictures from the dining room to the kitchen shelves; the pictures from the kitchen shelves to the living room; the pictures from the living room to the dining room. Don't ask. It made me feel better.

Proof of clean shelves:

Self Improvement Hell

It's the season of Lent. I don't really know what it means since I'm not Catholic.

BUT, being a better person always appeals to me so here's what happened...

I decided to try "Runner's Lent." I will run the New York City Half Marathon this weekend and I came up w/ this plan 2 weeks ago. 2 weeks seemed much more doable than 46 days. So I gave up soda (paaap) til after the race. Easy enough.

Then I decided that I wanted to try a daily challenge. So I am forcing myself to wash my face every night before bed. It needs to be done, and I'm teaching myself through discipline and hard work that zits in your mid-30s are not appealing. So apparently I pray to the God of all things superficial.

THEN, I challenged a friend at work to do something everyday for herself for the remaining 40 days of Lent. She is super duper stressed and doing little things like read a non-work related book, give yourself a pedicure, etc will be so good for her. So then I got jealous. I can't do 40 days of "me time" because I already do the running thing and if I add on any more "me time," my husband may do "leaving time." So then I got creative. I'm doing 40 Days of Home Improvement. Hubby can't complain about a clean house, right? I feel better because I'm doing things that need to get done and make me a better person. It's a win win. Well, it's a win-win on day two. Ask me on day 27...

Here's hoping I make it through March and April, and if I do, I will be a caffeine free, fresh faced, clean housed mama jama.